Don’t Let Their Baggage Become Your Carry-On

That’s Mr. Man’s or Ms. Herself’s emotional baggage, of course. We’ve all had some of our own to carry, since no one gets through life unscathed by broken relationships, broken promises and broken hearts. Many of us have learned that we can choose when to stop carrying that beat-up old backpack or that full set of matching Louis Vuitton; to conveniently lose the claim check and leave that stuff slowly rotating on the carousel at the airport.

I believe that we attract what we are emotionally and vibrationally, but I also know that when interacting with others especially in romantic relationships; we can blur our boundaries. Next thing you know, instead of attracting someone with a high vibration, we’ve allowed ourselves to be drawn into the lower vibration of the Drama Queen or King. This is not to say that the emotional problems he or she is experiencing aren’t real, although many people are adept at blowing the tiniest thing out of proportion in order to gain attention and sympathy. Or, they’re using the problem as a way to avoid personal responsibility, commitment, accountability and intimacy.

Big or small, real or imagined, the problem – that emotional baggage – is theirs.

You’re a loving, compassionate, evolved person so your first impulse may be to help. If you pick up the burden, sling it over your shoulder or strap it to your back, you’re not providing real help, you’re enabling. If they let you do it, they don’t want real help, and they want someone with whom to play the game: Rescuer (that’d be you) and Victim (that’d be him or her).

In the game, you get to provide support, encouragement, understanding and infinite patience while trying to provide enough emotional energy for you both in order to sustain and maintain the relationship. They get to wallow in self-pity and inadequacy, and continue to play the role of emotional wreck - damaged and helpless. The game gets old when you resent the fact that the Victim isn’t getting it together no matter what you do, and they resent that you don’t want to remain the Rescuer on a full-time, permanent basis.

If you truly want to help, set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Can you still offer support, encouragement, understanding and patience? Absolutely! When appropriate, offer suggestions or ideas for solving problems and healing past hurt. Then, watch and listen. If they are truly ready to be assisted in helping themselves, they will respect and appreciate what you’re doing. Whether by implementing your ideas and suggestions or coming up with their own, they will begin to take problem-solving action. They will begin the journey toward healing themselves and releasing the past. The two of you may then be able to journey together: each carrying what you need, unnecessary junk left behind, and traveling light.


Love and peace,
Dona

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