Is God the Hairy Thunderer? The Cosmic Muffin? Or is God the Ultimate Customer Service Rep?
God (Source, Spirit, the Universe, the Higher Power) answers every prayer, and the answer is never “no”. I can hear many of you saying to yourselves, “That’s not true! No way! B******t!!” When I read this little pearl of wisdom from an e-mail I received; which doubtless has made the rounds of cyberspace many times, that’s what I said to myself.
Then I thought about it a bit. First I thought about all the happiness, success and joy that have come into my life. All those “yes!” answers – God was really listening and paying attention those times, for sure!
When I thought of all my disappointments, unmet expectations, dreams that hadn’t materialized and perceived failures – my own as well as those of others – I said, but those must be the painful, heartbreaking “nos”, or the prayers God must not have heard or bothered about. The more I compared what I thought was an unanswered prayer, or a prayer answered by a cruel, harsh, resounding “no” with these responses, I realized that anything I had prayed for or about had been answered – with the best possible answer.
So, now I’m onboard with this little tidbit of e-mail wisdom, and a believer.
I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:
1. "Yes!"
2. "Not yet."
3. "I have something better in mind."
Give it a try with your own prayers – the ones that you celebrated as a Yes, but especially the ones that you felt had fallen on deaf ears or been denied.
Love and peace,
Dona
“Hairy Thunderer” and “Cosmic Muffin” from Deteriorata, National Lampoon, 1972
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Monday, November 19, 2007
The Ultimate in Customer Service
Monday, October 1, 2007
My First Radio Show!
I’ve been invited to the Tom & Lisa Morning show on 95.1 FM (95 Will Rock!), a northeastern Wisconsin/northeastern Illinois radio station. My live, guest broadcast with listener call-ins is on Wednesday, October 3rd beginning at 7:30 a.m CDT. Their morning show is fun and lively, featuring talk as well as hard rock. I’m a bit old for Ozzie and Metallica, but hey – I get to talk about what I do, how I do it, and take live calls to answer general questions about Tarot as well as give free readings to their listening audience.
I am really looking forward to Wednesday morning and hope you can join in to listen live via the radio or through their web simulcast at: :95 Will Rock!
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Monday, August 13, 2007
Buddha and the Blue Streak*
Lately, I’ve had several clients consulting me about their career opportunities. Whether looking for work while unemployed, or seeking to better their career prospects through new jobs, the questions focus on both the exhilaration and frustration of the search process.
In many ways it’s like the dating process – the mutual evaluation between the seeker and the prospective employer, waiting for phone calls, looking for ways to best meet our needs and do something that brings us a rewarding experience as well as offering our best to the other party.
Another similarity to the dating process is the feeling of vulnerability that comes from “putting ourselves out there” and risking rejection. However, without risking potential rejection we also eliminate the chance for acceptance.
When a client of mine recently expressed through a series of e-mails the wild upswings and downturns she was experiencing during her job search, she stated her frustration with the process and her feelings of exhaustion. Her feelings were constantly fluctuating based on the moment-to-moment changes in her situation: a good prospect turned out to be a poor match, an offer from a very desirable company didn’t come, an offer came that wasn’t very desirable or suitable…all of us have been through these experiences, and it often feels exactly like a ride on a wild roller coaster.
I addressed her concerns with this, a Buddhist perspective:
"Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue… no matter what happens.”
From the Gosho of Nichiren Daishonin
It is counter-productive and detrimental to our health and well-being to repress, deny or try NOT to feel what we feel; whether it’s elation and excitement or disappointment and sadness. The key is non-attachment: to feel what we feel yet not attach a sense of permanence or meaning to the feeling beyond the present moment.
That overused cliché of the day, "it is what it is" actually expresses the core of this philosophy. It's when we take our feelings (which are transient) and attach to them as a fixed state (“things will always be this way…) or extrapolate from them future states (“this is how it’s always going to be…it will never change…”) that we get ourselves into trouble.
We step on and strap into the roller-coaster ride when we allow external circumstances to hit us where we live (our internal center of self-confidence, self-esteem and our sense of self-worth). The mercurial changes in our mood and feelings, excited and happy one moment, disappointed and anxious the next moment, are a result of attachment. External circumstances change all the time - often radically, and they turn on a dime. The more attached we are, the rougher the ride - up, down, up, down, over and over, all the time.
So in work, in love, or in any situation where you find your feelings and moods alternately soaring and plummeting; stop and take a breath. Step back. Observe and recognize the transient nature of each moment. You will regain your center, feel calm and comfortable in your own skin – and be happy.
Love and peace,
Dona
*Blue Streak is a roller coaster ride at the Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio.
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Friday, July 13, 2007
Does The Golden Rule Measure Up?
We all learned it, probably as small children. We've all heard it a million times. Simple yet profound, the concept is easy to grasp but can be incredibly challenging to live. “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”
This basic moral principle is found in nearly all religions and cultures. Also called the ethic of reciprocity, the context in which we find ourselves applying it can make a world of difference in its effectiveness and validity.
The ability to put oneself in another’s shoes is one way that the golden rule works. It allows us to go beyond our personal preferences or idiosyncrasies and add another dimension to the principle, “Treat others as you would like to be treated, if you were them.” Otherwise in applying the rule I might feel it my duty to buy everyone I know chocolate ice cream, even if they dislike chocolate or are allergic to it.
The really tough issues arise when the “other” doesn’t honor the Golden rule, or lives by a different rule altogether. Let’s say you’ve treated someone with kindness, respect and compassion, yet they’ve treated you with cruelty, carelessness and a lack of consideration.
Now what?
This is where several ethical systems come into conflict and competition with the Golden Rule and with each other.
The Silver Rule: Do not do to others what you would not have them do to you
This rule avoids responding in kind, seeking revenge or retribution – getting an eye for an eye, or getting two eyes for an eye. So it doesn’t repay cruelty or violence with cruelty or violence, but it doesn’t sit back and get steamrolled either. Non-violent assertion, standing up for one’s rights and what one believes in without sinking to the other’s level can be a powerful means for change. It might even get the other to realize the error of their ways and correct them. But it’s hard to imagine a sociopath being shamed or embarrassed into changing his or her ways.
The Brass Rule: Do to others what they do to you
This is the classic response in kind. Repay kindness with kindness and evil with justice at best, revenge or retribution at worst. This is familiar to most of us and for better or worse, where most of us operate. The problem with the Brass Rule despite its apparent logic is that it can and often does create an unending cycle of evil and violence, especially since kindness and peace are hard to live, and evil and violence are easy.
The Iron Rule: Do to others as you like, before they do it to you
This is the classic show of contempt for the Golden Rule. Many people operate from this position, openly or secretly. They will do whatever they feel they can get away with, whatever they feel will give them power or an edge over others, and other people’s actions; good, bad or neutral have no bearing on the situation.
We get to choose
A personal code of ethics that works is a hard thing to come by, especially in the face of so many competing and contradictory belief systems. The Golden and Silver Rules don’t adequately address injustice, evil or just plain bad behavior. The Brass and Iron Rules are at best, subsistence level survival, dog-eat-dog laws of the jungle at worst.
In an essay on the Golden Rule, Harry J. Gensler writes: “The golden rule is best seen as a consistency principle…It only prescribes consistency that our actions (toward another) not be out of harmony with our desires (toward a reversed-situation action). It tests our moral coherence. If we violate the golden rule, then we’re violating the spirit of fairness and concern for people that lies at the heart of morality.”
When we align ourselves with a principle which seeks to serve the highest good of all, we are moral beings, even if we fall short or strive and occasionally fail.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy? ~Part II
As we know from Part I of this article and have known all along, men and women are different. In Part I we looked at some ways in which women reduce their awareness of what’s actually happening in a relationship with their Mr. Man (idealization, minimization and projection). While these will often create “false positives” in our perception, we can also create false negatives if we’re basing our behavior on negative thought patterns.
Just a note: While men can and do engage in these psychological processes to the detriment of their relationships with women, I am writing from a woman’s perspective and keeping the focus on what we as women can do in our communication and dealings with men to improve the quality of those interactions.
Perception Becomes Reality
Most of us experience some very negative feelings from relationships that have failed. Broken relationships can leave us feeling abandoned, can lessen our self-esteem and can make us feel that a happy, loving relationship is simply an impossible dream. If these feelings are temporary and we can move past them, they’re unlikely to do any permanent damage. However, these feelings can solidify into beliefs that survive the initial hurt and disappointment. Once that happens, they will influence our future experiences and lead to some of the following behaviors that hurt our chances for a happy relationship:
Seeking Approval and Validation
When our self-esteem is low, we women often engage in two behaviors. Approval seeking can take some subtle forms, but the underlying message is, “I’m OK, right? You like me and think I’m pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough to maybe love, don’t you?” While it’s wonderful to get praise and encouragement from our Mr. Man this message basically says, “If you don’t think (X, Y, Z) about me, I’m nothing.”
No healthy person wants to be held responsible for another’s core feelings and beliefs about themselves. It’s too big a responsibility to place on anyone, and it’s not their job.
Validation is getting outside confirmation that what we believe to be true about ourselves is in fact true. This can be a real double-edged sword, most particularly if we are holding negative beliefs about ourselves. The idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy applies here, as does the idea that we will (perhaps unconsciously) behave in ways that will bring about the desired confirmation.
These fear-driven behaviors will send a reasonably healthy man (and nearly anyone else) packing. They are attempts to control another even while the person engaging in them is feeling the most out-of-control herself. This often leads to one of the biggest “DON’TS” I can think of, and I call it:
Freak and Speak
So here you are, in the throes of fear, feeling out-of-control, and “knowing” that everything is doomed, including your relationship with Mr. Man. He’s going to abandon you, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t want to ever speak to you again, and he’s finished with you. All of your worst fears about everything negative that can possibly go wrong in the relationship are screaming in your brain. You’re sick to your stomach, your palms are sweating and you’re in tears. You are officially “Freaking”.
So what do you do next? You Speak. You phone him up. If he answers, you proceed to babble hysterically about all the things you “know” are going on with him – because you’re feelings are telling you it’s all true, right? You tell him what he’s thinking and feeling, how he’s trying to leave you, how he’s doing you wrong and isn’t going to get away with it… Or you leave a message in his voicemail to that same effect. Or, you write him a twenty-page e-mail stating the same things.
For a moment, put yourself in the recipient’s shoes. True, he may have not called when he said he would, or he may have not shown up on time for your date, throwing the plans into chaos. These are not good things. These behaviors need to be addressed. However, if instead of addressing the specific bad behavior, you spew all of your feelings (your worst fears, in this case) the guy is going to say, “Huh?” Or maybe he won’t say anything, just shut down completely. And if you’re standing in his shoes, can you really blame him?
So, what can we do differently? Most men are problem-solvers by nature. Give him something that he can actually fix, a problem he can actually solve – and chances are, he’ll do it. Don’t ask him to fix what he can’t (your worst fears), and don’t assume he won’t change his behavior (that assumption comes from a negative belief).
So, what can we do differently? The “DO” I suggest is this:
Feel and Deal
We are entitled to all of our feelings – from the most positive to the most negative. Attempting to fight them often entrenches them more deeply, as “what we resist, persists.” Feelings are transient states; they will change if we acknowledge them, accept them and allow them to exist – simply by realizing that they are not permanent and are part of an ever-changing perception of reality.
What we aren’t entitled to do is act on every feeling we have and expect others to sort it all out for us, and make it all OK. Our feelings are ours. No one likes to be treated badly, disrespected or disappointed. But bad behavior does not necessarily have to mean that our worst fears are being realized. In fact, most often it doesn’t mean that at all. It is our job to differentiate how we feel about the specific bad behavior – then deal with that; from how we feel when we believe our worst fears are coming to pass, and deal with that.
If we are asking, forcing or demanding that the other person deal with our fears for us (which they can’t do and isn’t their responsibility) they won’t do it. Or if they do it, they will do it grudgingly and resentfully, and look for a way out of having to do it again in the future. If we are asking them to do something about their own behavior (which they can do and which is their responsibility), we are dealing with them fairly and giving them the chance to do the same with us. If they do, we will know something important about their character and about their feelings for us. If they don’t, we’ll still know something important about their character and about their feelings for us.
Stay tuned - this article will almost certainly have a Part III.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy?
Men and Women are different. Ok, I’ve said it and you’re ready to cruise right past this post because you know that. That’s no major revelation and there are no insights to be gained from such an obvious and clichéd observation. Stay with me – it gets better. I promise.
We meet and fall in love with Mr. Man. We know there’s a connection because we feel it, and we immediately assume two things: 1) that he feels it too and 2) that his feelings are exactly like ours and will be expressed exactly like ours. That’s what is supposed to happen, that is what should happen. Right? (Loud buzzer here) WRONG!
These assumptions are probably the biggest mistakes we make as women. I am NOT man-bashing. I don’t believe that all men are dogs, are only out for sex, or are emotionally unavailable and withholding. But while most (normal) men have the capacity to experience the full range of emotions just as we do, they are different – in the way they express those emotions (or don’t), and the way they act on those emotions (or don’t). As women, we may even know and accept this, at least intellectually; but we still find ourselves saying, “But if he would just share his innermost thoughts and feelings, if he would just ‘say the words’, if he would just…”
What we’re really saying at that point is “if he would just be like me, express himself as I do, and act as I do - there’d be NO problem.” We believe that we’re right and they’re wrong; that our way of being in the world and experiencing our feelings is the right one, theirs the wrong one. And if we insist on being right, we probably won’t be happy because a man is going to pick up on those beliefs and assumptions, start backpedaling like crazy or vanish altogether. In a way, we can’t blame him – who wants to be told they’re wrong?
Some interesting things happen for us when we fall in love. Some are biochemical and some are psychological. The psychological pitfalls can blind us to what’s really going on in the relationship and can keep us trapped in the assumptions that will derail the relationship.
Idealization/Minimization:
To idealize someone is to grace them with every desirable, positive quality we can imagine whether or not they actually possess any of these qualities. It’s to make them a paragon of perfection even though we all KNOW that no one is perfect; not them, not us. To minimize is to ignore, excuse, explain and make unimportant any undesirable or negative characteristic. These two processes are common to the early stages of falling in love with someone. They are the means by which we slap on a pair of designer blinders and staple them to our faces so they don’t fall off. And if we persist in them unaware of what we’re doing to ourselves, they will lead us to say and do things that are detrimental to our emotional well-being and happiness. Why? Because we won’t be seeing the real person or their actual behavior. We’ll be acting out a script of preconceived notions and they will be just the stage-dressing.
Projection:
To project is to attribute or put onto the other person our own thoughts, feelings, characteristics, intentions and motivations. If we persist in doing it unaware of what we’re doing; we will miss what is actually happening (or not) with the other person. In other words, we really won’t know what they’re thinking, feeling, what type of character they possess or what their intentions and motivations really are. Ironic, really - because that’s exactly what we say we WANT to know from men!
Happy or Right? How about Happy AND Right!
So what can we do to eliminate the pitfalls and mistakes we make and find out who this man is that we’re dealing with, and whether we really want to be dealing with him? How do we find out how he feels and what he thinks? It’s simpler than you may imagine.
Be Honest
First and above all, with yourself. If you don’t want a casual fling or a one night stand, know that. Don’t try to “shortcut” yourself or him into a deeply committed relationship by being physically intimate before you’re comfortable and ready to do so, thinking that will bond the two of you into a committed relationship. This isn't about "morality". For many women, sex equals commitment. For many men, sex does not equal commitment. Don’t assume that he wants the same things you want either generally (he’d like to settle down and marry the right woman, when he finds her) or specifically (that he decided the moment he met you that YOU are that woman). And don’t think that the fastest way to his heart is through his…er, um…yanno.
Set Realistic Standards
You’ve been honest with yourself and know you don’t want a casual fling or a one night stand. Good. Know also that a committed long-term relationship isn’t going to happen with every guy you meet nor will it happen overnight. Maybe once in a great while two people meet and instantly everything falls perfectly into place, they are lifelong partners forever after without a bump or a bobble. But let’s go on with the more usual process – which is that you two will need to get to know each other to find out whether or not this is “it”.
Have some minimum, basic requirements about his behavior matching what he says. If he says he will call and doesn’t, or if he cancels or won’t make dates until the last minute; don’t jump in to excuse or forgive too quickly. If it only happens once, there may be a valid reason for the slip. But you won’t find out if it’s truly a one-time occurrence or an emerging pattern unless you wait and see – patience in this case is truly a virtue! Hurrying to fix things and accept things that you don’t like or that disappoint you isn’t going to help; it’s going to hurt you and the relationship.
Listen more than you speak
Ah, if I could only take my own advice on this one! Maybe Mr. Man isn’t the chatty type (my Mr. Man sure isn’t). We women have a tendency to want to fill the gaps and break the silences, often to our detriment. But the patience and wisdom to allow the other person to speak in his own way and at his own pace – and to really listen to what he says – is a way to hit the mother lode in the Information Gold Mine.
It’s what we say we want from him, but we won’t get it if we expect and assume that he should chatter away with us the way our female friends do. Some men are talkative, but if you pay attention you will notice that usually what they’re talkative about isn’t how they’re feeling or their inner emotional experience. How and what he talks about – work, sports, hobbies, his likes and dislikes - can nonetheless yield a lot of important data on the kind of man he is. And that can tell you if he’s the kind of man for you!
I’m pretty sure there will be a Part II to this post – stay tuned!
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Don’t Let Their Baggage Become Your Carry-On
That’s Mr. Man’s or Ms. Herself’s emotional baggage, of course. We’ve all had some of our own to carry, since no one gets through life unscathed by broken relationships, broken promises and broken hearts. Many of us have learned that we can choose when to stop carrying that beat-up old backpack or that full set of matching Louis Vuitton; to conveniently lose the claim check and leave that stuff slowly rotating on the carousel at the airport.
I believe that we attract what we are emotionally and vibrationally, but I also know that when interacting with others especially in romantic relationships; we can blur our boundaries. Next thing you know, instead of attracting someone with a high vibration, we’ve allowed ourselves to be drawn into the lower vibration of the Drama Queen or King. This is not to say that the emotional problems he or she is experiencing aren’t real, although many people are adept at blowing the tiniest thing out of proportion in order to gain attention and sympathy. Or, they’re using the problem as a way to avoid personal responsibility, commitment, accountability and intimacy.
Big or small, real or imagined, the problem – that emotional baggage – is theirs.
You’re a loving, compassionate, evolved person so your first impulse may be to help. If you pick up the burden, sling it over your shoulder or strap it to your back, you’re not providing real help, you’re enabling. If they let you do it, they don’t want real help, and they want someone with whom to play the game: Rescuer (that’d be you) and Victim (that’d be him or her).
In the game, you get to provide support, encouragement, understanding and infinite patience while trying to provide enough emotional energy for you both in order to sustain and maintain the relationship. They get to wallow in self-pity and inadequacy, and continue to play the role of emotional wreck - damaged and helpless. The game gets old when you resent the fact that the Victim isn’t getting it together no matter what you do, and they resent that you don’t want to remain the Rescuer on a full-time, permanent basis.
If you truly want to help, set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Can you still offer support, encouragement, understanding and patience? Absolutely! When appropriate, offer suggestions or ideas for solving problems and healing past hurt. Then, watch and listen. If they are truly ready to be assisted in helping themselves, they will respect and appreciate what you’re doing. Whether by implementing your ideas and suggestions or coming up with their own, they will begin to take problem-solving action. They will begin the journey toward healing themselves and releasing the past. The two of you may then be able to journey together: each carrying what you need, unnecessary junk left behind, and traveling light.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Friday, June 1, 2007
My Karma Ran Over My Dogma!
“I don’t believe in karma!” read a post I saw recently on one of the several online discussion groups to which I belong. My first thought in response to that was the tongue-firmly-in-cheek saying that became the title of this article. We certainly can believe or disbelieve in whatever we choose, but no one put it better than Daniel Moynihan: “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. He is not entitled to his own facts.” I’m sure there are people out there who don’t believe in the law of gravity. There are probably some who hold so adamantly to that belief that they jump off cliffs secure in the knowledge that they won’t plummet to earth and splatter like an overripe tomato on the ground below. Um…, good luck with that.
Karma is a law, like the law of gravity. True, one is a spiritual law and the other physical, but as above, so below. They are both impersonal and operate whether we choose to believe in them or not. The word karma is Sanskrit and literally means deed or action; its concept is rooted in Eastern religious philosophies – Hinduism, Buddhism and others. But esoteric Christianity and Rosicrucianism teach a very similar principle, "the Law of Cause and Consequence/Effect".
Karma balances, karma levels. When our dogma – those points of view, opinions or beliefs we hold with conviction and certainty even without adequate grounds to support them – meets up with the Great Equalizer the revelations can be both shattering and enlightening. Change comes whether we want it or not, whether we’re prepared for it or not, whether we’re accepting of it or not.
When our karma runs over our dogma, the moment can feel like the rubber meeting the road, taking us over the speed bump to roll on forward; or it can feel like we’re going over the cliff, to splatter like the tomato as we land. Our actions create dynamic causes and effects; the only true constant is change.
Gentlemen (and Gentlewomen), start your engines!
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Just For Fun! Astrology After-Sex Talk
I can’t take the credit for writing them, but I recently received this e-mail and it gave me a good laugh so I wanted to share it. Recognize yourself? Your Significant Other? Your Ex? A really awkward ONS* (gasp!)? I know there’s more to astrological compatibility than sun sign pillow-talk but if these were real, they’d tell you a lot about the relationship!
Aries:
"Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus:
"I'm hungry, pass the pizza."
Gemini:
"Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer:
"When are we getting married?"
Leo:
"Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo:
"I need to wash the sheets."
Libra:
"I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio:
"Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius:
"Don't call me I'll call you."
Capricorn:
"Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius:
"Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces:
"What did you say your name was again?"
*OneNight Stand
Enjoy and feel free to share :)
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Friday, May 25, 2007
What’s a Self Worth?
The current monetary value of the elements in our bodies and our skin is $4.50. That’s only a bit higher than the price of a gallon of gas in most of the United States. The U.S. Bureau of Chemistry and Soils invested many tax dollars in calculating the chemical and mineral composition of the human body to determine their net worth. But it’s living inside that skin, and the complex structure and function of those chemicals and minerals that lead us to explore and understand our worth. The terms “self-worth” and “self-esteem” are often used interchangeably, but they actually describe different states of being.
Our self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves and can vary depending upon what happens to us. Get that promotion at work, and self-esteem soars. Fail a test or strike out on the game-winning pitch, and down it goes.
Our self-worth is our intrinsic and inherent value – in other words, simply by being in this body on this earth, we are worthwhile and valuable. We can sometimes lose touch with our self-worth. We can forget that we are valuable.
I'd like you to consider something that you may or may not have thought about before. When you don’t get that promotion at work, when someone chews you out for missing the game-winning pitch, your self-esteem can be temporarily affected, and you may not feel so good about your self, your skills and your abilities. For most of us that effect is short term. For some of us with high self-esteem, we may acknowledge, “yes I missed that, but it’s ok. I’ll do better next time around.” Either way, we move beyond it, and sometimes those dents and dings actually help us and motivate us.
So, some combination of our own self-perceptions and the perceptions of people and events in our environment will affect our self-esteem.
When you allow someone else's actions toward you or opinions of you to determine your self-worth, you hand over all your power to that person(s). In essence, you’re telling yourself (and the Universe) that someone else - no matter how flawed, screwed up or deeply in error they themselves may be - is in a position to judge you and define you.
Sometimes if we persist in the belief that our parents or our ex-lover has the power to devalue us in so profound and primal a way, we devalue ourselves and forget or lose touch with our self-worth. Why any of us would persist in believing that, I don't know. No one likes to be rejected and each of us wants to be loved, admired and appreciated, especially by those people in our lives who are important to us. But to make them the standard by which we then value ourselves is a sure way to become or remain miserable and lost.
How can you reclaim your sense of self-worth? Meditation, prayer, reflection, and introspection can all help you re-connect with and rebuild a positive, loving relationship with yourself. Whether or not you believe in a higher power, and however you connect with it if you choose to, you do have a primary relationship to nurture and maintain – with yourself.
An intuitive counselor, spiritual guide or advisor using Tarot or other tools can help you in this process. When you’re ready to rediscover and reaffirm your worth, taking the inward journey with a trustworthy partner can be a valuable and richly rewarding experience!
“SELF-WORTH comes from one thing -- thinking that you are worthy.”
~ Wayne Dyer
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
He Might Be a Sociopath If…
Most of you are probably familiar with comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s now-famous, “You might be a redneck if…” Funny stuff! But before you skip this post, thinking to yourself, “No way! My Mr. Man (or Ms. Herself) may be a little bit insensitive at times, but he (she) can’t be a sociopath! They’re those crazy serial-killers, aren’t they?” Stop. Think again.
Essentially, sociopaths do not have a conscience. This means that they grasp the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, but they don’t care – that knowledge doesn’t affect their behavior. Research shows that some 4% of the population fit the definition of a sociopath. That means about one in every twenty-five people. Certainly not all are violent criminals or even engage in illegal activities. But, amoral or unethical behavior? You bet your life. Look at it this way – one in every twenty-five people can and will do anything at all – anything – without feeling the slightest twinge of guilt, remorse or conscience.
So, what are the “tells”; the signs that maybe your significant other or co-worker might be one of that one-in-twenty-five? I’ll use “he” in my examples for clarity and to be brief, with all due respect to the male population – I’m not male-bashing, I promise! These can apply to either sex and to any relationship, not just romantic involvements.
He might be a sociopath if…
• He has a superficial charm, a charisma that makes him seductive (sexually or otherwise)
• He has an over-inflated, grandiose sense of his self-worth that’s initially compelling – at first, people (you?) fall for it hook, line and sinker
• He has a strong, constant need for stimulation
• He has had trouble with the law or had behavior problems as a child which always included the failure to acknowledge responsibility for any of these problems
• He is able to lie repeatedly and convincingly without displaying any anxiety, tension or emotional distress
• He is manipulative and can “act the part” of a caring, loving person in order to get his needs met
There is no cure for sociopathy; no therapy or drug that can grow a conscience, empathy or genuine human emotion and true intimacy. People like this experience emotions differently than we do. They don’t experience love at all, nor do they bond or form positive attachments to others. Their ability to convincingly “act” as if they do is what makes them so dangerous.
How do we avoid or limit or involvement with such people? How in the world will we ever know whom to trust? If you find yourself in a struggle between your instincts and the “role” this person has chosen to present – go with your instincts. Your higher self is always observing and the impressions it receives are genuine. It’s there to protect you.
From author Martha Stout, Ph.D., whose book “The Sociopath Next Door” inspired this article, these words of wisdom:
“When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibility he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy.
One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies say you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.
Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer.”
Dr. Stout’s book was a godsend to me, as I have had the misfortune…uh, learning experience… of having three relationships with sociopaths in my life. One was a romantic relationship (thankfully and mercifully ended long ago), one was a friendship which cost me a very large sum of money and an even larger amount of emotional suffering, and one was a co-worker at the last corporate job I had (or ever intend to have).
A sociopath can’t be fixed. The sociopath’s behavior is not your fault, and it’s not your job to try to save, rescue or redeem him or her. Save, rescue and redeem your own life and share it with a person who will value and treasure it.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Monday, May 21, 2007
Published!
I’m happy to announce that an article of mine will be included in an anthology, The Book of Thoth: Wisdom of The Ages, Volume I. In 2006, I entered a competition sponsored by the Book-of-Thoth website calling for contributions by previously unpublished authors on a wide array of occult, paranormal and metaphysical subjects.
The website, in conjunction with Reality Publishing/Reality Entertainment began a search and judged the 50 best articles from thousands of submissions on topics ranging from Alchemy to UFOs, Divination to Haunting, Magick to mysticism, and every topic of spiritual exploration in between. This is not a self-publishing venture by me or by the Book-of-Thoth website.
The release date hasn’t been announced yet, but the book is scheduled for release this year and should be available very soon.
Here's a link for those of you who’d like more information:
Watch the YouTube Promo!
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Getting The Most From Your Reading
Is that cup half-empty or half-full? The optimist sees it as half-full, the pessimist sees it as half-empty, and the engineer sees that the cup is twice as big as it needs to be! :-)
This week’s tip for getting the most from your reading might be the single most challenging issue we face when we are seeking guidance. I know it’s a major one for me! I can easily be the kind of person who sees that cup as half-empty, and who’s not very adept at getting out of her own way.
I am not Pollyanna, and I know that challenging circumstances, feeling stuck, and seeking change for a less-than-perfect situation can bring out the negativity in all of us. So, even if we don’t feel “positive”, the question can be framed in a constructive way – one that seeks a solution rather than emphasizing (and reinforcing) the problem. Phrasing the question in a constructive way indicates confidence that useful information will come through in the answer.
· Be Positive
Be positive when framing your questions. Consider the difference between each of these sets of questions:
How come I can’t get my book published?
How can I locate the ideal forum for publishing my book?
Why do I get so fearful, freeze up and get nauseated when I have to speak in public?
How can I improve my ability to speak to groups effectively?
Can you help me understand why I always blow my diet when I’m near my goal?
Can you help me find a way to push on to lose that last 10 pounds?
Why can’t I let my guy call me when he says he will? I always jump the gun and call first.
How can I trust myself and my significant other more and let the relationship unfold?
The first questions all have an air of defeat. The second questions are more confident and show that the questioner believes he/she will be successfully given useful advice.
So instead of asking:
· How come I never …?
· Why can't I …?
· Can you help me understand why I always (screw up, ruin, blow it)…?
Try asking:
· How can I improve my ability to …?
· How can I locate, identify, position myself…?
· Can you help me find a way to (succeed, prosper, manifest)…?
I believe you’ll find more clarity from the answers in your Tarot reading if we approach your questions in a constructive, positive way. When you’re ready to give it a try, give me a call!
Love and peace,
Dona
Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2006 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:destiny/ Tarot®
Friday, May 18, 2007
More Tips on Framing Questions
My first post looked at framing questions from the perspective of personal responsibility for ourselves and our situations in order to benefit from the guidance of a Tarot reading. Today, I'll talk about two more ways of framing questions that open up possibilities and allow guidance to flow.
Keeping Your Options Open: Frame your question to show that you are keeping your options open, rather than those that indicate you have chosen a certain course of action or made a decision ahead of time. For example, when you ask,
“How might I encourage my adult child to move out of the house?” you're asking a question to which you have already decided on one solution – that your adult child must move out.
Instead, consider asking, “What do I need to know (or do) to get along better with my child?” which is more open-ended and doesn’t decide on a specific answer ahead of time. There may be more possibilities for a solution than you've considered, and the guidance that comes may surprise you. Also, this type of question puts the focus on your way of thinking and acting - something over which you have direct control, rather than forcing or influencing the other person's way of thinking and acting.
Level of Detail: There is often a fine line between wording that is too vague and that which is too detailed. While you can certainly ask the tarot for a “general” reading, the answers you receive will also typically be “general”. At the other end of the spectrum is the too-detailed question. Here are three questions on the same topic:
1. How can I improve my relationship situation?
2. How can I divide chores so that Joe will help out around the house?
3. How can I improve the way Joe and I handle housework?
The first question is too general and doesn’t specify what area of the relationship is of interest. The second question is too detailed and looks at only one aspect of the problem. The third question is best because it finds the balance between the two. Include only the details necessary for clarity on what you want to know.
And, if you ask, "what will happen when I speak with Joe on Tuesday April 24th at 2:00 p.m.?"; you may get a specific answer, but without context or some idea of the circumstances surrounding the events, you will probably miss the bigger picture.
These are just some of the suggestions my clients have found useful. I can also help you to frame your questions without wasting your time and money, or asking YOU a lot of questions.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Getting the Most From Your Reading: Framing Questions
As a tarot reader for over 30 years, I've learned that the tarot is a tool for connecting the reader and the questioner in an interactive process that accesses higher wisdom to explore possibilities and choices. Life does not come with a guarantee; a tarot reading is no different. What all of us have is the present, and the ability to choose our thoughts, feelings, intentions and actions for the best possible outcome. Will we sometimes falter and make mistakes? Of course we will, because we're human. A tarot reading can help guide the questioner and help him/her connect to the intuition we all possess and which serves us as an internal compass, if we are willing to pay attention to it. Neither readings (nor readers) can substitute for the life experience of a questioner, nor can the reading or the reader “make” things happen.
One way to open up to the guidance a reading can provide is by taking responsibility for our life situations. This is not to say that the situations in which we find ourselves are our fault. It's neither finding fault nor laying blame - it's accepting and embracing the fact that we are active participants in our lives and can make choices that will work for us rather than against us.
Frame your question to show that you accept responsibility for your situation. Tempting as it is to ask a question designed to tell us what to do; we must accept that the tarot can’t make our decisions for us. We all wish for a guarantee that we're making good choices, but life (with or without a tarot reading), holds no guarantees. Avoid questions that deflect responsibility, such as:
"Yes" or "No" Questions
Questions beginning with "Should..."
Questions asking only about time
Instead, try framing your questions beginning with:
Can you give me insight into ...
What do I need to understand about ...
What is the meaning of ...
What is the lesson or purpose of ...
What are the circumstances underlying ...
How can I improve my chances of ...
How might I ...
I believe you'll find a richer, more useful type of information will come to you through your reading with this simple but effective approach. If you're "stuck" on framing a question, take a moment to allow yourself and your reader to put "you" in the picture as the active co-creator of your situation.
Love and peace,
Dona
Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®
Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.
