What’s a Self Worth?

The current monetary value of the elements in our bodies and our skin is $4.50. That’s only a bit higher than the price of a gallon of gas in most of the United States. The U.S. Bureau of Chemistry and Soils invested many tax dollars in calculating the chemical and mineral composition of the human body to determine their net worth. But it’s living inside that skin, and the complex structure and function of those chemicals and minerals that lead us to explore and understand our worth. The terms “self-worth” and “self-esteem” are often used interchangeably, but they actually describe different states of being.

Our self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves and can vary depending upon what happens to us. Get that promotion at work, and self-esteem soars. Fail a test or strike out on the game-winning pitch, and down it goes.

Our self-worth is our intrinsic and inherent value – in other words, simply by being in this body on this earth, we are worthwhile and valuable. We can sometimes lose touch with our self-worth. We can forget that we are valuable.

I'd like you to consider something that you may or may not have thought about before. When you don’t get that promotion at work, when someone chews you out for missing the game-winning pitch, your self-esteem can be temporarily affected, and you may not feel so good about your self, your skills and your abilities. For most of us that effect is short term. For some of us with high self-esteem, we may acknowledge, “yes I missed that, but it’s ok. I’ll do better next time around.” Either way, we move beyond it, and sometimes those dents and dings actually help us and motivate us.

So, some combination of our own self-perceptions and the perceptions of people and events in our environment will affect our self-esteem.

Who decides?

When you allow someone else's actions toward you or opinions of you to determine your self-worth, you hand over all your power to that person(s). In essence, you’re telling yourself (and the Universe) that someone else - no matter how flawed, screwed up or deeply in error they themselves may be - is in a position to judge you and define you.

Sometimes if we persist in the belief that our parents or our ex-lover has the power to devalue us in so profound and primal a way, we devalue ourselves and forget or lose touch with our self-worth. Why any of us would persist in believing that, I don't know. No one likes to be rejected and each of us wants to be loved, admired and appreciated, especially by those people in our lives who are important to us. But to make them the standard by which we then value ourselves is a sure way to become or remain miserable and lost.


You do!

How can you reclaim your sense of self-worth? Meditation, prayer, reflection, and introspection can all help you re-connect with and rebuild a positive, loving relationship with yourself. Whether or not you believe in a higher power, and however you connect with it if you choose to, you do have a primary relationship to nurture and maintain – with yourself.

An intuitive counselor, spiritual guide or advisor using Tarot or other tools can help you in this process. When you’re ready to rediscover and reaffirm your worth, taking the inward journey with a trustworthy partner can be a valuable and richly rewarding experience!

“SELF-WORTH comes from one thing -- thinking that you are worthy.”
~ Wayne Dyer

Love and peace,
Dona

Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®



Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

He Might Be a Sociopath If…

Are you involved with a sociopath?

Most of you are probably familiar with comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s now-famous, “You might be a redneck if…” Funny stuff! But before you skip this post, thinking to yourself, “No way! My Mr. Man (or Ms. Herself) may be a little bit insensitive at times, but he (she) can’t be a sociopath! They’re those crazy serial-killers, aren’t they?” Stop. Think again.

Essentially, sociopaths do not have a conscience. This means that they grasp the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, but they don’t care – that knowledge doesn’t affect their behavior. Research shows that some 4% of the population fit the definition of a sociopath. That means about one in every twenty-five people. Certainly not all are violent criminals or even engage in illegal activities. But, amoral or unethical behavior? You bet your life. Look at it this way – one in every twenty-five people can and will do anything at all – anything – without feeling the slightest twinge of guilt, remorse or conscience.

So, what are the “tells”; the signs that maybe your significant other or co-worker might be one of that one-in-twenty-five? I’ll use “he” in my examples for clarity and to be brief, with all due respect to the male population – I’m not male-bashing, I promise! These can apply to either sex and to any relationship, not just romantic involvements.

He might be a sociopath if…


• He has a superficial charm, a charisma that makes him seductive (sexually or otherwise)


• He has an over-inflated, grandiose sense of his self-worth that’s initially compelling – at first, people (you?) fall for it hook, line and sinker


• He has a strong, constant need for stimulation


• He has had trouble with the law or had behavior problems as a child which always included the failure to acknowledge responsibility for any of these problems


• He is able to lie repeatedly and convincingly without displaying any anxiety, tension or emotional distress


• He is manipulative and can “act the part” of a caring, loving person in order to get his needs met


There is no cure for sociopathy; no therapy or drug that can grow a conscience, empathy or genuine human emotion and true intimacy. People like this experience emotions differently than we do. They don’t experience love at all, nor do they bond or form positive attachments to others. Their ability to convincingly “act” as if they do is what makes them so dangerous.

How do we avoid or limit or involvement with such people? How in the world will we ever know whom to trust? If you find yourself in a struggle between your instincts and the “role” this person has chosen to present – go with your instincts. Your higher self is always observing and the impressions it receives are genuine. It’s there to protect you.

From author Martha Stout, Ph.D., whose book “The Sociopath Next Door” inspired this article, these words of wisdom:

“When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibility he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy.

One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies say you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.

Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer.”


Dr. Stout’s book was a godsend to me, as I have had the misfortune…uh, learning experience… of having three relationships with sociopaths in my life. One was a romantic relationship (thankfully and mercifully ended long ago), one was a friendship which cost me a very large sum of money and an even larger amount of emotional suffering, and one was a co-worker at the last corporate job I had (or ever intend to have).

A sociopath can’t be fixed. The sociopath’s behavior is not your fault, and it’s not your job to try to save, rescue or redeem him or her. Save, rescue and redeem your own life and share it with a person who will value and treasure it.

Love and peace,
Dona


Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®



Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Published!

I’m happy to announce that an article of mine will be included in an anthology, The Book of Thoth: Wisdom of The Ages, Volume I. In 2006, I entered a competition sponsored by the Book-of-Thoth website calling for contributions by previously unpublished authors on a wide array of occult, paranormal and metaphysical subjects.



The website, in conjunction with Reality Publishing/Reality Entertainment began a search and judged the 50 best articles from thousands of submissions on topics ranging from Alchemy to UFOs, Divination to Haunting, Magick to mysticism, and every topic of spiritual exploration in between. This is not a self-publishing venture by me or by the Book-of-Thoth website.



The release date hasn’t been announced yet, but the book is scheduled for release this year and should be available very soon.



Here's a link for those of you who’d like more information:




Watch the YouTube Promo!



Love and peace,

Dona

Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Getting The Most From Your Reading

Is that cup half-empty or half-full? The optimist sees it as half-full, the pessimist sees it as half-empty, and the engineer sees that the cup is twice as big as it needs to be! :-)

This week’s tip for getting the most from your reading might be the single most challenging issue we face when we are seeking guidance. I know it’s a major one for me! I can easily be the kind of person who sees that cup as half-empty, and who’s not very adept at getting out of her own way.

I am not Pollyanna, and I know that challenging circumstances, feeling stuck, and seeking change for a less-than-perfect situation can bring out the negativity in all of us. So, even if we don’t feel “positive”, the question can be framed in a constructive way – one that seeks a solution rather than emphasizing (and reinforcing) the problem. Phrasing the question in a constructive way indicates confidence that useful information will come through in the answer.

· Be Positive
Be positive when framing your questions. Consider the difference between each of these sets of questions:

How come I can’t get my book published?
How can I locate the ideal forum for publishing my book?


Why do I get so fearful, freeze up and get nauseated when I have to speak in public?
How can I improve my ability to speak to groups effectively?


Can you help me understand why I always blow my diet when I’m near my goal?
Can you help me find a way to push on to lose that last 10 pounds?


Why can’t I let my guy call me when he says he will? I always jump the gun and call first.
How can I trust myself and my significant other more and let the relationship unfold?


The first questions all have an air of defeat. The second questions are more confident and show that the questioner believes he/she will be successfully given useful advice.

So instead of asking:

· How come I never …?

· Why can't I …?

· Can you help me understand why I always (screw up, ruin, blow it)…?

Try asking:

· How can I improve my ability to …?

· How can I locate, identify, position myself…?

· Can you help me find a way to (succeed, prosper, manifest)…?

I believe you’ll find more clarity from the answers in your Tarot reading if we approach your questions in a constructive, positive way. When you’re ready to give it a try, give me a call!

Love and peace,

Dona

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2006 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:destiny/ Tarot®

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

More Tips on Framing Questions

My first post looked at framing questions from the perspective of personal responsibility for ourselves and our situations in order to benefit from the guidance of a Tarot reading. Today, I'll talk about two more ways of framing questions that open up possibilities and allow guidance to flow.

Keeping Your Options Open: Frame your question to show that you are keeping your options open, rather than those that indicate you have chosen a certain course of action or made a decision ahead of time. For example, when you ask,

“How might I encourage my adult child to move out of the house?” you're asking a question to which you have already decided on one solution – that your adult child must move out.

Instead, consider asking, “What do I need to know (or do) to get along better with my child?” which is more open-ended and doesn’t decide on a specific answer ahead of time. There may be more possibilities for a solution than you've considered, and the guidance that comes may surprise you. Also, this type of question puts the focus on your way of thinking and acting - something over which you have direct control, rather than forcing or influencing the other person's way of thinking and acting.

Level of Detail: There is often a fine line between wording that is too vague and that which is too detailed. While you can certainly ask the tarot for a “general” reading, the answers you receive will also typically be “general”. At the other end of the spectrum is the too-detailed question. Here are three questions on the same topic:

1. How can I improve my relationship situation?
2. How can I divide chores so that Joe will help out around the house?
3. How can I improve the way Joe and I handle housework?

The first question is too general and doesn’t specify what area of the relationship is of interest. The second question is too detailed and looks at only one aspect of the problem. The third question is best because it finds the balance between the two. Include only the details necessary for clarity on what you want to know.

And, if you ask, "what will happen when I speak with Joe on Tuesday April 24th at 2:00 p.m.?"; you may get a specific answer, but without context or some idea of the circumstances surrounding the events, you will probably miss the bigger picture.

These are just some of the suggestions my clients have found useful. I can also help you to frame your questions without wasting your time and money, or asking YOU a lot of questions.



Love and peace,

Dona

Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Getting the Most From Your Reading: Framing Questions

As a tarot reader for over 30 years, I've learned that the tarot is a tool for connecting the reader and the questioner in an interactive process that accesses higher wisdom to explore possibilities and choices. Life does not come with a guarantee; a tarot reading is no different. What all of us have is the present, and the ability to choose our thoughts, feelings, intentions and actions for the best possible outcome. Will we sometimes falter and make mistakes? Of course we will, because we're human. A tarot reading can help guide the questioner and help him/her connect to the intuition we all possess and which serves us as an internal compass, if we are willing to pay attention to it. Neither readings (nor readers) can substitute for the life experience of a questioner, nor can the reading or the reader “make” things happen.


One way to open up to the guidance a reading can provide is by taking responsibility for our life situations. This is not to say that the situations in which we find ourselves are our fault. It's neither finding fault nor laying blame - it's accepting and embracing the fact that we are active participants in our lives and can make choices that will work for us rather than against us.



Frame your question to show that you accept responsibility for your situation. Tempting as it is to ask a question designed to tell us what to do; we must accept that the tarot can’t make our decisions for us. We all wish for a guarantee that we're making good choices, but life (with or without a tarot reading), holds no guarantees. Avoid questions that deflect responsibility, such as:



"Yes" or "No" Questions
Questions beginning with "Should..."
Questions asking only about time


Instead, try framing your questions beginning with:
Can you give me insight into ...
What do I need to understand about ...
What is the meaning of ...
What is the lesson or purpose of ...
What are the circumstances underlying ...
How can I improve my chances of ...
How might I ...


I believe you'll find a richer, more useful type of information will come to you through your reading with this simple but effective approach. If you're "stuck" on framing a question, take a moment to allow yourself and your reader to put "you" in the picture as the active co-creator of your situation.



Love and peace,
Dona

Experience a Tarot reading with me! Visit:Destiny Tarot®

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.